I was trying to study, ok that is a bit of a lie but anyway this idea has been nagging me for a bit so I decided do just go and write down a short story to get it out of my head so I could concentrate. After I was done I had no idea what to do with it so I thought I would chuck it up and let you all have a look, considering I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone have a look at my novel till it was done you guys can give your opinion on this piece. I hope you all enjoy it and if not any advice to help me get better would be most appreciated and please be honest if it sucks say so but give me a way to make it better. Anyway I hope you all do enjoy it, it is time for me to get back to study....yeah study.

Where is the short story?

I'll read it...

What's it about?

Sorry just fixed it so i had a limit so i attached it now.

Ok I'll have a look at it and let you know what I think of it.

Hopefully its good.


Maybe you should've added some copyright stuff, you don't want some arsehole to steal your work.

I'll read it tonight after I do my study

I just finished reading it and it was alright. The writing was good but the story seemed to lack some proper substance as if it was unfinished. I mean all it was about is a person retelling a random memory that he had, there was no real climax to the story or anything like that.

That being said, the story kept me interested, but I was expecting something big to happen at the end, the ending was rather dull.

When you finish your novel Chris that will probably be a lot better as I expect it will have a proper storyline and if the quality of the writing is as good as it is in this short story it will probably be a good novel.

The short story also needed quite a lot of editing to fix up a few grammar mistakes, but that is nothing major.

I'm very interested to read your novel when you finish that, is it going to be related to this short story or was this short story just something totally random that you thought of?

Also, a word of advice that I would say is that its probably better to add some copyright disclaimer to your work and upload it in pdf format for legal reasons, so that others can't steal your work. Especially if you show us your novel as I expect you are putting a lot of work into it.

Yeah i felt the same with the rather open ending. Because it was a random thought that I just had to get rid of it had no real background or future planned. Though I was thinking of putting this as a basis for a second set of novels but that remains to be seen. Grammar is probably my biggest problem, I am working to rectify this but i;m workong more on the actual content and style of writing, but something i shall endeavour to work on. It has a digital signature on it and i printed out a copy with the exact time date and location on it so that should copy any idiots trying something, hopefully people won't but if they do. Thanks Martin for your thoughts, if I do get same spare time I might edit or grow on it and we will see where it goes.

I'm going to read it later on tonight

Yeah grammar is not important, that can always be fixed with editing.

The content and style of writing was great though, even though the story didn't really go anywhere.

I like it a lot. As Martin mentioned there is some editing to be done if it's going to be a standalone story but...I like it. It's intriguing. I can see a lot of things having happened to the main character. Miranda effected him in some way, it's easy to see - it's not often irl that people meet a small child once and then still remember them ages later. Is it a societal thing in that universe or is there a specific reason for Adin caring for her so much? (That's a rhetorical question btw).

Mainly it's just a nice snippet of fiction. I enjoyed it

If it's the basis of your novel, you could use this snippet as a blurb or something similar, to get people to want to start reading it.

Loved it Wolf. Had a really good "I'm so epic and you want to know more about me" feel to the main character that was quite impressive.

Looking forward to hearing whatever else you've got for this guy.